This year a good friend of mine died.
He was a very special guy. I miss him terribly and also am incredibly thankful for that gift of God.
As I reflect today I realize that in a large part it is this death that prompted me to move ahead with this project. At the time of his death I had been sitting in On the Happy Life. It took on quite a different meaning then. Two songs in particular, The Feast of Words and We Sat and Laughed simply wrenched my heart as I sat in the silence of the news of his unexpected death.
No one could have predicted that at 42 he would suddenly be gone from this world.
After the funeral I began to search for thoughts Augustine might have on death and sorrow. I read on his mother’s passing and that of a friend. I then came across a eulogy by Ambrose. Reading this eulogy was helpful and I decided to make an album based on it which if you know the albums your recognize as On the Death of Satyrus.
Recently I had the opportunity to spend a weekend with some college buddies and my late friends family. We spent the weekend sharing stories, remebering him, laughing, crying a little and enjoying the Arkansas wilderness. As I travelled back I took the opportunity to once again visit the unpublsihed book my friend had sent me a few years before he passed.
I wanted share something he wrote on the subject of love, sorrow and music. It seemed very appropriate for this season. This comes from that unpublished book we wrote:
I was tuning up my guitar and felt the sharp piercing notes when I tuned the guitar over the high E. Then the note felt flat and without any feeling. Finally the note came to just the right pitch as if that was where the string wanted to be set to. The note felt great and the vibration of the sound through the guitar allowed my nerves to calm. It was at this moment that I found life can seemingly have the same effect. To dwell only in our past is a life of boredom, without feeling. To dwell only in the future creates anxiety and sharp pains within. Only when we can tune our past and future just right will we come to a balanced rhythm of life.
To listen or play music is to experience emotion in a vain not traditionally experienced. There are songs we work out and run to which help motivate us to do one more rep, run one more mile, bring us to our highest potential. There are songs which remind us of old days full of joy and happiness. There are songs which remind us of those moments long gone, the loss of youth, the inevitable breakup, the death of a loved one. There are songs of joy, songs of sorrow, songs of hope, and songs of love. To listen to music is to experience the memory of that emotion again.
We are all intimately connected. Just as the notes within the music form connections, so do we. In fact we share in each other’s connections. When the music plays and the notes connect the music takes on a form of its own. Whether full of sadness, sorrow, peace, love joy, encouragement, we are all connected to form a harmony.
Kreisler wrote two beautiful pieces of music; Liebesfreud and Leibesleid . To listen, is to experience both the joy and sorrow that comes from love. Liebesfreud focused on the joy that comes from love. This joy is often seen in our most happiest of moments. The moments where one seemingly becomes lost in time. A present that goes on for an eternity. These moments are the Kodak moments mentioned at the beginning of the book.
Leibesleid highlights a different sort of experience. It may in fact be the most beautiful form of love. It is the release of bitterness, the closure of shame, self-forgiveness, etc. that comes from sorrow, grief, and pain of loss. Love’s sorrow comes from the recollection of those happy moments and the release of that memory. Not to be forgotten, but to be embraced as such a deep and pivotal impact on one’s life. In an odd way, grief and sadness can create the strongest of those Kodak moments. Like a child who has moved from their best friend to a new city; and has to rebuild their life; their friendships, social status, etc. These moments aren’t as simple as waving a wand or getting medication from a doctor. No magic or medication can heal the wounds of a broken heart. Only one thing can heal a broken heart, and that only comes from another. Only love can heal a wound beyond flesh and blood. The wound on the skin will heal in time but the wound of the heart is not so easy. Ointments help speed up the process on the skin but there is no ointment for the heart.
-Jonathan “The General” Glen Karl Seubold, LPC in his unpublished book Keep Smiling: The Pursuit of Walking in Joy
And so here I find myself on the morning of Christmas Eve both sad and thankful. It is very true there is no ointment for the heart save love.
There is a man of sorrows who seeks out the weary, the downtrodden and the sorrowful with His love. He beckons us all to come to Him for rest and healing.
I was reminded of His words to not store up treasures in this life but to store up treasures in heaven. This passage recently took on new meaning as I realized that a treasure God had blessed me with is now in heaven and with him, a piece of my heart. Life will continue as it surely must but for now I consider what will someday be when we greet one another again.
To memorialize this occasion of reflection I made this bit of music for us.
Peace my friend.
https://suno.com/playlist/4a7bd3c0-4278-4b43-9e8a-b74c0d712dae
